Originally published 22 December 2020. This article is retained from the tCI archive. Law, policy or practice may have changed since publication.
Hearken ye, and, on the Christmas when mixing and mingling is largely frowned on, listen to the tale that shocked the nation and became a morality play.
It is said that St Dominic stood on a lofty perch, and held himself in the highest esteem. His words were feared, even when understood. His hinterland was mysterious, and he was thought to have made a thousand and one enemies. His countenance was fierce and his trademark garments belied his taste for power.
When the terrifying demon COVID struck, his counsel was much sought. He summoned the oracles that once led the British people to a place they had never imagined, and wove his magic with the Cabinet of supine vassals. He urged them to listen to SAGE, but he was the sage he had in mind. With Lockdown lurking, he led the line; when COVID struck the king, he watched the minions flounder. And all this was before his ghostly transformation.
It started when he caught the virus himself. His invincibility betrayed; his self-assurance shattered; his pallor now grey and his demeanour choleric. The highest in the land banished him to serve his isolation away from the seat of Government. In tremulous torpor, he fled the capital, made for the north – his vision of levelling-up.
Some say they saw him; some were just delusional. But slowly and surely, a picture emerged. Brave people sought refuge so they could tell their tales; in Durham, whistle-blowers claimed protection. The county trembled lest the wrath of the fugitive laid waste the land.
On the day of the apparition in Barnard Castle, the ghostly form was witnessed at the wheel. The epaulets of his jacket cut a historic militaristic figure; white gloves sheathed his hands as his fingers gripped the wheel. A turban on his head proved a curious but ineffective disguise but where eyes might once have been were two black holes – with fires and flames spewing forth. He drove at speed, unseeing and unheeding. They say that those on the A1 saw streaks of colour akin to the Northern Lights of the Arctic.
The hero broke rules and maybe some speed limits as well, and once well again, appeared again at Court expecting to be lauded as before. But sneaky peasants had whispered, and once docile Ministers probed and prodded. Unmasked, the hero twisted and turned, agreed to meet his foes in the garden of thorns, and even regained the patronage of the King. But things were never the same. Courtiers stopped paying homage; the lower orders became restive and argued among themselves. He clung to the shadows; he slid in and out of the zooms he had once dominated.
When he left, he carried out his own box, but once around the corner, disappeared from view. Up in County Durham, however, they talk of a stooped and angry man, socially distancing from everyone but visible in the twilight - carrying his box. They wonder if the King’s special Adviser might have dictated less …and listened more. They speculate that, had he attended the excellent courses of the Consultation Institute, might he have learnt the value of public engagement and the need to write Impact Assessments for what you propose? Fortunately, he can now access so much knowledge and insight through online training, so even on the bleak moorlands above Barnard Castle, in the middle of winter, there is still hope.
In the meantime, future generations will heed the ‘Cummings Warning’, as we express the Season’s Greetings to all Institute friends and supporters … and to all lovers of good ghost stories.
TRIGGER POINTS
If you liked this ultra-serious thought-leadership piece, you might wish to read other, quality serious Tuesday Topics from the pen of Rhion Jones over the years. He has produced a light-hearted piece every year since 2003. Here is a selection of some earlier ones ….
Topic 354 ‘Get Xmas done!’
Topic 343 The Xmas Party
Topic 332 Father Christmas accused of sham consultation
Topic 287 Consultation as Pantomime
Topic 202 High Court drama at Christmas – The judicial review none of us noticed!
Topic 25 The Ghosts of Consultation – Scrooge sees the past, present and future of Consultation
Topic 4 Don't forget the reindeer! – Consulting the recipients of a service is great ….but remember those who deliver the services as well!