Originally published 21 December 2021. This article is retained from the tCI archive. Law, policy or practice may have changed since publication.
They hold Cobra meetings in the North Pole.
Few people know this.
But last week, whilst the rest of the world played party politics, Father Christmas convened a COBRA meeting to discuss some momentous issues.
Not only is there the pandemic to worry about, but he also has climate change to consider. Following his consultation after COP26, the decarbonisation of Christmas Eve is now a priority.
Greater use of reindeer is very positive for carbon reduction, with a massive recruitment drive under way. It may create a huge amount of methane, but enhanced sleigh-pulling configurations will enable reindeer to observe social distancing and make their journeys even more efficient. This has put the wind up key stakeholders, Amazon and DHL who rather enjoy their games of “pass the parcel” and see no reason to change. The GLASPACK agreement at COP26 - to reduce unnecessary packaging - will alarm cardboard manufacturers who claim they are being ‘boxed’ into a corner.
How to tackle home working? Mince pie making is now a cottage industry so that is not a problem. Bottles of brandy are a different matter, though home distillers are zooming to provide more product. Suppliers of carrots work outdoors anyway and have plenty of ventilation. Elves are mostly able to work at home but will have to travel extensively on 24th December. For this they will need a special booster jab, though their Spokesdeer, Rudolph, claims that the Polar Veterinary Service lacks the capacity to deliver vaccines in the right numbers before Christmas Eve, and it would be wrong to discriminate against unvaccinated reindeer. Mask-wearing will be optional, and vaccine passports may be required as they enter French airspace.
At COBRA, the voices of the Chimneysweeps Union are ‘seldom heard’ these days and are drowned out by the Rooftop Solar Panel Installers. Google Maps are still excluded from COBRA since the unfortunate incident of the inaccurate landing instructions for the Shard. Supply chains are stretched, so a new toy distribution depot will be set up in the UK after taking evidence from the Director of Felixstowe Docks. As Santa Claus explained, “The situation must be contained.”
All emergencies come to an end, and there is naturally hope that 2022 will be a better year for everyone. The Consultation Institute has been called in to advise on better engagement for the team at the North Pole and are expected to suggest greater diversity and more participation for all key stakeholders. Children everywhere will be invited to a worldwide Youth Assembly next summer – no doubt including a presentation from Sir David Attenborough.
In the meantime, please do not cancel your seasonal festivities, as you can be assured that all sensible precautions are in place and that Sir Chris Whitty has personally peer reviewed the COBRA decisions.
The Consultation Institute Directors, Staff and Associates wish our members a Happy Christmas, a Winter break or whatever you acknowledge. Stay safe and thank you for your support in another difficult year.
TRIGGER POINTS
If you liked this semi-serious thought-leadership piece, you might wish to read other, quality Tuesday Topics from the pen of Rhion Jones over the years. He has produced a light-hearted piece every year since 2003. Here is a selection of some earlier ones ….
Topic 366 The journey to Barnard Castle – a seasonal ghost story
Topic 354 ‘Get Christmas done!’
Topic 344 The Xmas Party
Topic 332 Father Christmas accused of sham consultation
Topic 287 Consultation as Pantomime
Topic 202 High Court drama at Xmas
Topic 25 The Ghosts of Consultation – Scrooge sees the past, present and future of Consultation
Topic 4 Don't forget the reindeer! – Consulting the recipients of a service is great …. but remember those who deliver the services as well!
This is the 374th Tuesday Topic; a full list of subjects covered is available for Institute members and is a valuable resource covering so many aspects of consultation and engagement